My mood swings keep life interesting. 273. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! Your email address will not be published. Sam Levenson Its called tomorrow. "I receive what I believe.". Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. 164. Lily Tomlin 4. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 268. Steve Martin Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 268. I accept my body the way it is today. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. And a funny bone. I am tough and resilient. Jonathan lockwood huie. 1. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Bill Murray I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 23. Not a peli-cant. 178. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 79. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. But even if this does happen, who cares? New year, new me. The only power you have is the word no. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Some when they enter, some when they leave. Rome wasnt built in a day. In between, I am alive. Its okay, he woke up. 194. 128. Bill Murray, 258. 152. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 85. Your life is your message to the world. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 210. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. 110. 156. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 222. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 227. 5. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. 47. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Wouldnt exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them? So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. 21. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. 130. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 112. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. If you see affirmations that say " I will, " " I used to, " or " I'm going to, " then this is NOT an affirmation. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Today, I look at my goals. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 152. I will go out. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. All you need is love. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Your email address will not be published. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. I get up, dress up, and show up. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. 90. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? What is the tallest building in the entire world? 7. Read the first word again. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. 197. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Albert Einstein Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. 224. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. P.D. Benjamin Franklin I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 100. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. 118. Over time, when you use these affirmations, your mind begins to equate new words with weight loss. 274. 88. Steven Alexander Wright Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. 12. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 132. 19. He who laughs last didnt get it. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Theres no stopping me now. 22. 21. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Exercise? Its okay if people dont like me. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 225. 173. Short people with an umbrella. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Because seven ate nine. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 1. 156. 4. 134. Edward A. Murphy. Nothing, they just waved. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. Looking for positive funny affirmations? 91. 229. 272. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". 220. 5. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 23. 147. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 3. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 278. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . 149. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. 63. Its a door, thats how they work. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 214. With time, I have started to value more time. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 6. 126. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. What is Mozart doing right now? 155. 138. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Happy Birthday.". Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Sincerely, yourself. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. 41. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Hes dreaming too. Socrates. Sam Levenson Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Keep your affirmations in the present. 170. 121. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 272. Not me, but somebody does. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 83. But sometimes affirmations may not work. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Steven Alexander Wright. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 208. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Benjamin Franklin. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. God's promises are here to give you perfect peace, good news, renew your strength and reveal the will of God in your life. 162. My jokes do. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. 124. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Robert Bloch. 206. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. - Jeffrey Gitomer. I train my body. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Some when they enter, others when they leave. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 226. A backbone. Not everyone has good taste. God has never abandoned me. 259. Cindy from Marzahn People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. Charles M. Schulz. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. 1. 76. 219. 275. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. All you need is love. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. 228. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Rodney Dangerfield, 198. I honor that time. Erma Bombeck Find a quiet place without distractions. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. 230. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. 3. Albert Einstein Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 8. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. - Unkmown. 192. Whether youre saying the affirmations aloud or writing them down, laughing along will only strengthen their effect. 53. Life always offers you a second chance. - Roy T. Bennett. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. A gummy bear. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 96. -Katrina Bowden. 23. But then again so does . Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? It has nothing new to tell you. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. 276. 35. They log in. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. I am happy and joyful. 70. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 1. 160. 119. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. Dave Barry. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. 86. The world is missing some pizzazz. 11. Paul Ehrlich 74. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. When they go away, its a brighter day. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Make it inspiring. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. 237. 39 funny positive affirmations. 1. 92. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 234. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Your words become your actions. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. grateful. Sometimes the M is silent. I am on a seafood diet. Stuart Turner I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. Albert Einstein, 190. Life is a game full of little and big surprises. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. 161. Batwoman: single. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Breasts dont have eyes. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. We have a connection. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! 208. 114. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Effective pushing often involves poop. 127. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. 262. Youre talking to yourself. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 169. They planet. 255. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. I can do this. 222. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. 22. 213. 189. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. It takes so little to change your life! 26. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 48. Its a door, thats how they work. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 93. A backbone. Czech proverb A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. 279. 75. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. How do you count cows? 139. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. Life begins on Friday night. I am lazy till I get a motive. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. 26. 40. I feel great. Good morning! Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Required fields are marked *. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 211. Alison Boulter Today I will embrace the poop. Gary Delaney An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 111. 106. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. 138. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Walter Bagehot My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. 66. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 99. 67. 167. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 277. 249. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. 151. 148. Franklin Jones Let me know in the comments section down below! I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. When life closes a door, just open it again. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. My jokes do. 161. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. - Donald Trump. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! Ive been doing nothing for years. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. I dont want to fix my spending habits. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 231. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. Funny Friday Quotes. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 248. Wilson Mizner, 262. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 113. Ensure that your actions match your words. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. - Bob Hope. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 4. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 256. Sam Levenson. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Good morning! 193. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. 125. 168. 15. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. 62. No, but April may. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 185. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 258. I tried, but they wanted cash. Breasts dont have eyes. 224. 202. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Short Positive Daily Affirmations. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Because he was always spotted. 236. Sincerely, the floor. Bill Murray Short people with an umbrella. 18 Funny Positive Affirmations. 80. Positive mindset affirmations. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 130. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. Life is becoming easier and less serious. 25. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 229. 9. Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Short Funny Quotes. 265. 24. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. "Have a great Wednesday. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. Have a look! Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Bill Murray A backbone. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. 2. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. 279. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Exercise? I stick to things until I get to my destination. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. - Kyle Chandler. Rodney Dangerfield. 49. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 87. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. 24. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. We'll get to that later. 8. 181. I am on a seafood diet. 274. "It's only WednesdayHang in there!". Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 238. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor. 122. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. 201. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 2. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. 165. Be careful when you follow the masses. Albert King. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. Bill Murray. 218. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 2. I want to afford them., 2. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. 162. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. - Unknown. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 27. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. 176. The thing is, I am still getting ready. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 61. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. 88. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 270. 20. Funny Positive Affirmations For Work. 175. Chop your own wood. I am my childs greatest comfort. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Envelope. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 249. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. The library, because it has so many stories. 133. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 34. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. We need to hear a pin drop. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 52. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. I make the right choices every time. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Jackie Collins "Disconnect to connect.".