If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. But yours is.. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Yes, said the lieutenant. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Reply: No, I say again. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Altitude is life insurance. OHH OHOH! Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Rodrigues there? Fish Food. Individual use is by implied consent. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. When Is Military Appreciation Month? One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. with someone braver than you.'. Thats Daddy. 66. 1. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. 33. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! He finally comes dragging in at. Later, I spoke with Mom. What do hungry Marines eat? Because the Army needed heroes too. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. 38. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Its a NO FLY zone! Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? 2. There are many branches of the military. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Bad altitude. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? We were inspecting several lots of grenades. 28. The Blonde Fighter Pilot He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. Unless you can be Batman. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. What does ARMY mean to you? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? [Answered]. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. DeFrigNo! When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. 37. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Decodes 7. Return to Humor Index. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Divert your course NOW! Me: Hello? Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . The other replied, Not me! Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Fish Food. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. 8. Me: No. You had tents?, USAF: Birds When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. Thanks. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Looking for military boot camp jokes? More information More like this A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Whats an LMD? I asked. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Anecdotes 2. 11. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Dont think so? Louis, I grumbled. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Marines Say OOOOORAH! Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. How much noise can we make up here? Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. As for the rest of you, get down and give me 40 for lying!. An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. "They're all mine. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. 10. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. 4. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. The tenant shook her head. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Caller: Is Sgt. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. 50. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. How tough? I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. Co-Pilot: What?!. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. Then one day I couldnt find it. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. They cant seem to string three Ws together. He then made his way to my side. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. This site contains affiliate links. 4. 6. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. But I am public affairs, I said. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. you cant do both. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. The c.i.a. Want more amazing military jokes? 11. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? In-dough-structible In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Read more. 1. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. Chicago. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. USN: Helos Air Traffic Control 6. Long Haul He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22.